Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He better not be in your backpack
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I deserve this hangover.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
