Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
