I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
