TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
