12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Randomize
