My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
