Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Randomize
