I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Dick very happy bro
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
