you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
