i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
