To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
its not stalking. its research.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
