there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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