you turned your livingroom into a bong?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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