i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
whose ass print is on the piano?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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