Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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