I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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