Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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