you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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