Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
