I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
