In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
