I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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