you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
my liver is dry heaving
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
