He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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