WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
