she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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