woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Drake has all the answers
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
