I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
