YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I intend to get homeless drunk
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
