So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
