Don't you send me to vm
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
