Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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