You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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