the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
