so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
