I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
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