true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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