i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
