I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
