She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
