hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
And then he peed in my hair
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