Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
