You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
