I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
