Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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