I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
