You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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