She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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