he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
