My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
