dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
